Over a typical summer I spend 350-400 hours working over the 10 week summer vacation… unfortunately, this also includes 1-2 week completely off for a much needed rest, so if you do the math, the remaining 8 weeks or so I am working about 45-55 hours a week…. Not so much bonding time there with the family you can imagine.  I don’t really know what made the difference this year, whether it was the fact that my family and I did not really plan a big vacation, my wife signed me up to be a coach for Joshua’s baseball team, the fact that I have two sons now, and just for sanity sake (both hers and mine) I need to rescue Trish more… of maybe, I am just getting old… But what ever it is, I am finding that I am making a connection with my family in ways I have not been able to before.

I can say confidently that there is one difference that I am very conscious of: I am MUCH happier when I do NOT have a expectation of getting “something” done.  You can replace “something” with anything you want: ‘getting all the yard work done,’ ‘finishing the painting,’ ‘going to “X” by a certain time,’ ‘reading,’ ‘working, or doing work for my job,’ ‘getting the boys to bed on-time,’ etc.  Once I have an expectation, I am NOT happy with delays or “waiting” or not being able to finish the “task” because I “need” to do something else first or someone else wants me to finish something in an order different from how I imagine it should go… whatever that expectation is that I have created in my mind becomes the overriding rule to my mood, happiness, sense of accomplishment, you pick the positive adjective here… While I know that this is happening, and I cannot consciously stop it once it is in motion, at least I am aware of it, and can leverage this to work toward being in the moment and really happy doing anything that comes before me more often than not.

That said, I am by no means perfect at recognition or at moderating my attitude once I become cognizant of my “expectations,” but just being aware helps me to keep from setting those false expectations in the first place… this in-turn really frees me up to really enjoy living in the moment as opposed to looking towards something else or back on what didn’t happen when it was “supposed” to…

Those “quiet times” that I am experiencing are become more and more frequent and much more rewarding for me and my family.  I still stay plugged in to the works and all of its demands on my time, and my “required” obligations, but i am getting to spend more quality time enjoying my family.

How has this translated into practice you might be asking:

• Getting back to work, I am now taking 1-2 days partially or completely off each week (often Friday’s to give me a 3 day weekend with my wife and boys).  Additionally, when I arrive home after work, I leave work behind, at least until the boys are asleep, and I have spent a little time with Trish, even if we are just sitting watching television. I work to be less strict about “bedtimes” for the boys over the summer as they are not forced to get up with me at 5am, but I still try to keep them from really hurting themselves due to lack of sleep… (Just because they can sleep til noon does not mean that I want them too…)
• In relation to my family, I am working to just “be” with the boys… to get lost in that sense of wonder and adventure that only a five year old and (almost) two year old can have and create in their minds and personal universe.  With my wife, I get lost in spending quiet time with her, and being open to sitting when I want to move, and moving when I want to sit.  I have always enjoyed going with her to stores (especially when I got my first data enabled smartphone and then my iPhone) not because I like shopping… frankly I hate it, but because I like being with her.  the iPhone just makes the waiting outside the dressing rooms more bearable (unless we are in Victoria Secret, then waiting is just fine… ;0) Ok, I couldn’t resist… I know that was wrong, but I had to include it =0)
• In relation to the educational community I am part of, and enjoy… I am finding that really to find balance I don’t need to unplug from everything I want to learn about… I just need to unplug from the community from time to time… This is not to be hurtful, or demeaning to those of you who really find solace in this wonderful group we run with… But, I am writing this as a suggestion to find a balance with your family, NOT this group…

These are only my rantings and feelings, however, many… many… people have told me and I am finding this to be a FACT not a perception… our children really DO GROW UP TOO FAST.  I can remember when Joshua (then 4) was wearing a shirt to go see Noah for the first time after Noah was born… Now Noah is almost 2 and wearing that same shirt… Where did the last two year go?  Joshua is starting kindegarten this fall.  I re,member when he was just coming for the first time to my school to attend pre-school classes when he was 3.  Joshuan is learning to ride a bike without training wheels, and Noah is trying to ride a tricycle… what happened to them crawling and needing help to do that.  Make no mistake, I am a very plugged in Dad.  I get my boys up just about every day, and I typically am the one that puts them to sleep.  I go to the doctor with them and to the movies, I play for hours with them, but I feel sometimes like they are growing everything I blink or am away from them for a few hours.

Again, this is just my perspective, but I see MANY MANY education community members who are SO plugged in… So, so, SO, plugged into this wonderful community they actually provide / pass along MORE information, write more, participate more, twitter more, facebook more, during holidays, winter – spring – summer break and other times where school is out of session.  When I inquire about that, their typical response is, “that is the only time I can get caught up on what I want to “publish, share, contribute, read, write, meet up, you insert your reasoning here.”  Frankly, intellictually, I completely understand those arguments, but I am finding more and more those “excuses” to be connected with a personal and pre-dominently virtual community to be hollow weighing it against the benefit and need of being connected with our families.  Spending time rolling down a hill with our children.  Getting lost playing “Indiana Jones” or even hide and seek.  Watching an ant hill, chasing “birdies” or squirrels. Spending time AT the store with our family as opposed to “getting through the store.” Playing during “tub-time” as opposed to waiting to get them washed… Changing plans 10 times at the whim of a five year old, and then just walking or finding the “ice cream man.”

I honor and respect every one of you.  I have learned more from this community in the past few years than I have through most of my formal schooling… but right now I am thinking it is more important for you (and me) to be teaching our OWN children and more so learning from them how to enjoy life again.  If this feels heavy handed, I can’t apologize at this time.  Maybe in the future when we are in the rat-race AGAIN I will beg for forgiveness, but as for now, I want to hear from you, I want to learn what you know, but I want it to be about empowering your own families, about great spots to spend time with your family, about what you are learning from letting go as opposed to being plugged in… Oops… time to go, there is a pillow fort / mountain that is calling my name.

~Scott

Joshua is using my Gateway E155C Tablet watching Inspector Gadget from Netflix, and Noah is watching Scooby Doo on a 8″ portable DVD player.  Now on one hand it would be better if say they were doing something creatively educational, but on the other they are both fully manipulating the devices to get the results they want… Skills?  For the last two weeks or so I have to say that I have been toying with the idea to get Joshua a NetBook for Christmas.  Seeing this only draws me closer.  (Also, self serving as I would have a new toy to play with too…) The question is: Is our current / future educational system ready for these kids?

Throughout the day, I keep running the range of emotions that one typically feels surrounding death… one minute I am fine, and the next I am heart broken with the possibility of impending loss.  At times like these, while you want to reach out and share information, I find myself holding back because, I do not want to keep reliving the tenderness and joy that he has brought me and my family and at the same time, I want those that I love to also know about what is happening with him so if they would like they can say goodbye in their own way.

He has touched the lives of many of my relatives and friends because of who he is and how he seems to know when people need to play or just sit and nuzzle.  After letting my parents know about what he is facing, I received the following email from my mom:

I haven’t been able to stop crying. So I can only hope you are better.

It’s hard to focus when your heart is breaking and you are trying to keep your child’s heart from breaking too. Neither of which you can do. You can only turn to God and place Bashie in His hands and He will tell you in your heart when to let him go. We have no control over life or death. Only God does. He’ll help you ,I promise.

Don’t do it too soon to keep the pain at bay. You will know when it’s time.

I fell apart with K.C. and it was worse.

Shaddy was so ill I knew when the time was right .Dr ulier said he was half way to heaven and he wasn’t afraid.   

I’ll say a prayer for Bash tonight. I always pray for all of you.

Feed him what ever he wants – he knows you love him . tell him I love him too. Shadow lived on a few pieces of steak, pork chops, hamburgers. Or whatever we ate that day.

God bless you

I’m here if you need me

Mom

Mothers always seem to know how to cut to the heart of what ever you are feeling and support you at the same time.  Because I feel the same way for what I am going through myself, and for my sons Joshua and Noah.

I know that it is not his time yet, but it is near, and I can’t help to wish I could do anything to make him better… But for now I just keep thinking:

“Joshua, my eyes are shiny too…”

Meme: Passion Quilt ~ Entry by Kymberli Mulford (kmulford)

This photo has been my desktop wallpaper for two months. Yes, it hearkens me back to one of the most wonderful vacations we have ever taken as a family. I love it for its simplicity, its playfulness.

Related to my passion for kids’ learning, however, I see my son as the representative child playing with the big ocean of technology. He puts his toes in, unafraid, and shrieks with delight at the first experiences. He runs away in sheer giddiness, but is always drawn back again, just as the ocean is drawn in waves back to him.

Out there, beyond his scope, there may be dangers lurking in the deep waters. They are not known to him, He is trusting, playful, childlike. The dangers are not yet his concern. For now, they are mine.

As he becomes more adventurous, I will teach him about those dangers that lurk beneath the surface. I will guide his strokes, strengthen his ability to fend off unwelcome experiences, and serve as his lifeguard.

Someday, our roles will shift. He will be more comfortable in that ocean than I. He will need to step up, as all good children do, to protect me in my feeble days. I pray that I have taught him well by then, and that his years of experience as a digital citizen with morals will serve both of us well.

For now, however, we play. Together.

Note: Until Kymberli is able to get her blog up, I wanted to host this meme contribution for her. ~ VanishingPoint

Child predators with cellular modems or even trolling neighborhoods for free wifi… this brings a cross world issue right to the doorstep…

My oh my…

Link to AOL to let you see where IM buddies are – Tech News & Reviews – MSNBC.com

Gates said he and his wife Melinda decided to set a limit of 45 minutes a day of total screen time for games and an hour a day on weekends, plus what time she needs for homework.

I wonder if there is any accurate research out there that details the differential between how much time parents THINK their children spend online or gaming, and the reality of how much time kids are REALLY spending in front of a computer or videogame.  I think that the results would be pretty startling.  While I know that iSafe does some research along these lines, with the questionnaire they put out, but I think an independent researcher you have some staggering results.  

This story comes on the heels of a Newsweek article  “Your Igloo or mine?”  Which details a number of “social networking” sites geared toward the pre-teen or tween age groups. If you have heard me talk about the social networking phenomena you know my position is overall a positive one.  There are so many good qualities to the learning and interactions that kids can get from these types of sites.  They read (something schools are struggling to get them to do… they write, they create, research, present and defend their positions on a number of topics… it really is amazing.

Anne’s son Kevin was in the hospital (two states from home) receiving a bone-marrow transplant. 

“[Social networking] was a huge lifesaver for us,” says Anne, his mom. “If he was ever feeling down or bored, it would keep him occupied for hours.” By the time he came home on Valentine’s Day, she estimates that most of the nearly 200 kids at his private school—from preschool up through eighth grade—had signed up with the site just to keep in touch with her son.

This is a great tribute to how social networking can really be beneficial.  Another experience with the positive impact of social networking I know of is where a high school biology class set up a site to study and begin to understand the life difficulties of individuals with cystic fibrosis.  Amazing connections were made that impacted the lives of all involved.  

However,  there are the dangers as well.  Child predators, cyber-bullying, adult content, and even simply too much digital immersion.  There is a comment in the article I not only disagree with, but almost take offense to:

Parents, after doing their due diligence, can generally rest easy…

Now the writer does caution parents to not become complacent, but please.  Additionally, the article does mention a number of the “safety and security” features that the developers of the sites (yes I am purposefully NOT naming the sites) have set into place to protect kids, yet for every “good site” you will find ten that may not be…

Where is my family on all of this?  With my son only being 2 1/2 years old, I don’t have trouble limiting his exposure to games or the Internet.  We do set limits on how much time he spends watching TV or even videos.  Being as “digital” as I am, he is well aware of what a computer is, and often wants to “check something” on my PC or tablet.  He really enjoys drawing on both my tablet and my Axim Pocket PC so I can imagine what his future will be like.  Will I limit his “screen time” as Bill Gates puts it?  You bet.  In a way he has helped me even curb my screen time, and definitely my online gaming time as I do NOT play computer games while he is home or even awake. 

Personally, I feel that all parents should limit the amount of time and the type of content with which their kids are interacting.  There is far to much senseless violence and sexual content that they are gravitating to, and that developers are pushing.  Now that I say that, I also advocate DISCUSSING these types of things with kids, and working to help them understand why they should not be wasting time or viewing such material as opposed to simply attempting to block questionable content.  Sure it is easy, and a false sense of comfort knowing that your kids cannot get to mySpace at your house!  But, remember they DO have feet, and cars if they are old enough and hopefully they have friends… if they do, they will need your guidance to make the best decisions not just a blindfold at home…